Heather
“Being Black in BC. No longer will I ‘turn down’ my blackness!”
Growing up as the ‘only one’ was an experience that has had an extreme impact on how I show up in the world. I am a first generation Canadian born, with West African ancestry and Jamaican heritage. I was born, raised, and currently reside on the unceded lands of the Qayqayt First Nation (qiqéyt), also known as New Westminster. I am the wife of my childhood ‘crush’ and the mother of one courageous and beautiful teenager. My Criminology Degree and Masters in Leadership has supported my work in being a senior leader for one of the largest not-for-profit agencies in BC, overseeing the Youth Services, Counselling Services, and the Fraser Health Crisis Line.
Coming from a family line of social justice warriors (i.e. Cousin’s Portia Simpson - first female Prime Minister of Jamaica and Honourable Michael Tulloch - Canada’s first black Supreme Court Judge, now Chief Justice of Ontario), promoting equitable practices, encouraging healthy work cultures, and fostering inclusion for all, is in my DNA.
Growing up in a predominately ‘White’ community, I lived the phenomenon of being the ‘only one’ for most of my life. For example, I was the ‘only one’ who identified as black in my elementary school until my little brother joined me five years later. When I participate at professional meetings, I am often the only black representative at the table. Racism has always been an underlining experience for me. I remember crying many nights as a child, for the ability to be invisible so I could ‘fit-in’. At a tender age of five, I had the idea of fostering a ‘superpower’ of camouflaging into my euro-centric backdrop by ‘turning down’ my blackness. As a result, I had a confused sense of identity, which contributed to my vulnerability.
The vulnerability of my childhood definitely shows up as trauma in my adulthood. I found myself in harmful environments both professionally and personally. Professionally, I experienced working in environments riddled with micro-aggressive undertones administered by ‘supervisors’ that would grossly abuse their power. Personally, I had the unfortunate experience of being in an abusive relationship where I had to rely on the police to escort me to-and-from home until I could move to a safer community. Although these experiences were difficult, they have informed my resiliency and my purpose in life – supporting others to thrive.
My story of resiliency is not unique but narrated through the lens of multiple intersections – being a woman, being black, and being seen as a ‘threat’ to others due to the tools and skills that I have acquired in my life journey. Acknowledging my strength is a continuous work-in-progress, but there are key lessons that I have learned along the way. I would like to share four of these lessons that I call nuggets.
Nugget # 1 - Build on your resilience – You are stronger than you realize. How do you know this? Take account of the historical life adversities that you were able to overcome. This will inform your optimism for tomorrow. Reflecting on journal entries provides me with evidence of resilience. Appreciating that I have successfully overcome historical barriers gives me the confidence to know that I will always land on my feet.
Nugget # 2 - Create a safe fortress - Surrounded by safety is a method to thrive. Being in encouraging spaces will support mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical wellness - which will lead to successful outcomes. Your body can only endure so much trauma before self-esteem atrophy sets in, so support a healthy and balanced lifestyle. What was helpful for me was having the ability to lean on positive and ambitious allies that had my best interest at heart, such as family, friends, and life coaches. Life cheerleaders can have a profound effect on navigating adversity.
Nugget # 3 – No one owns you – Some people may believe that they have the power to manipulate you by exercising their position of power in an abusive way, which I have experienced both professionally and personally. When I truly understood that I was accountable only to my Creator – God (which is by choice), I had the courage to take self-ownership, discern potentially dangerous situations, and vacate harmful environments.
Nugget # 4 - Let your light shine! – Do not be ashamed of who you are. Embrace your brilliance! My experience is that Black women often do not show-up as their full self, in fear of the stereotype of being “threating”, “too loud”, or “too aggressive”. These labels are a form of manipulation that comes from a place of fear. The reality of black women in my circle is that we are highly educated, super smart, and have the ability to articulate exceptionally – No imposter there! Please trust that when people react towards us in this way, it is not an ‘us’ problem, it is a ‘them’ issue. I will continue to walk through life with respect for others, while leaning on informed wisdom, but do not underestimate my strength! As one of my favourite reggae artist, Beres Hammond, so eloquently sings, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness”.
My experience of being the ‘only one’ at tables continues to be my everyday norm. The difference is, I have learned to ‘turn-up’ my self-worth. I cannot claim that I have mastered ‘self’, but I feel that I am well on my way to ‘life-ing’ with purpose.
I hope my sharing of experiences was helpful to you as they were for me and if these few words can encourage even one person on their journey of resilience, then my journey was worth it.
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